Wednesday, September 2, 2009


You may remember that a few days back I became very excited at the prospect of purchasing XXS (extra extra small)-sized clothing from American Apparel. The clothing has arrived, and oh good lord it's better than I could ever have hoped.

Plot my previous clothing purchases on a graph with Time as one axis and Tightness (of clothing, ahem) as the other, and you will see that the points form a curve drawing ever closer to the Asymptote of Tightness, that theoretically extant but practically unrealizable limit at which the outfit converges with your skin. Here is what the graph would look like:

Graph: Time vs. Tight

And just remember that this clothing will shrink after the first washing! A singularity may well be achieved.

There's a question as to whether I can wear these new garments anywhere outside of the bar. Or whether they will cut off circulation to my extremities. In the latter case, I could console myself with the thought that all the admirers I'm undoubtedly now going to attract will hold my hand at the hospital while I'm being treated for necrosis. Provided my hand is still attached.

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