Weil ich so loser bin

I would like "loser" to be an adjective, in German. And then I would like for there to be a German poem (or perhaps a pop song--no need to be elitist) whose refrain was

Weil ich so loser bin.
Because I am so loser.

And then I would like for people to mumble this line when they feel frustrated with themselves. (Disclosure: I already do.)

But German is not going to cooperate with me, nor will any poet or pop singer. And the world is not beating a path to my blog's door to pick up its next trendy phrase. Why not? You know the answer.

Today my therapist suggested distinguishing between shame and guilt. You feel shame about yourself, the kind of person you are, what your actions say about you; you feel guilt over the way your actions affect others. You feel ashamed of your acne scars, but you probably wouldn't say you feel guilty about them. Shame is more capacious because you can feel shame about most anything you can feel guilty over (it all reflects on who you are).

My therapist tells me I need less shame, more guilt. Less mumbling about how loser I am, more focus on how I'm not doing what people are paying me for. How's that for a prescription?

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"Do blogs have doors?" Oh, shut up.